Monday, November 30, 2009

ask a horse.

how to survive an elementary school dance:

most of the songs will be fast ones. this is where you will learn to get jiggy for the first time.
unless you spend weekends at home in front of a mirror with your mom's lipstick and madonna.
not that i would know anything about that.

i might as well tell you now, that they will play at least 3 slow songs before they mercifully release you back to your mom and dad's house.
if you get asked to dance by a boy at least 1 time out of 3, those are good odds.

if you don't get asked, try grabbing the attention of a girlfriend nearby and engaging her in jovial conversation before anyone can ask her. make wild gestures and speak excitedly, so everyone knows that you are talking about something so important that you don't even notice the slow dance.

if that doesn't work and you end up (godforbid) the only girl NOT asked to dance by a boy, pretend you have a bladder infection and hide in the washroom. or better yet, fake a tummy ache and tell everyone later that you puked. again, not that i would have firsthand knowledge of this practice.

nothing is more embarassing than not being asked to dance. you don't even really care about boys that much. but at this point, saving face is more important than living to see grade nine and realizing that it is way cooler to skip dances and instead smoke half cigarettes while wearing copious amounts of black eyeliner.

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