kid koala.

he responded to my angry email and was very polite indeed. he explained that he rarely has control over who he plays with in those situations. this means that it's all up to the promoter to decide the lineup and i guess i did know that. i recall going to see die mannequin accompanied by a "tribute to metal" show. which MEANS.

total boycott the fucking biltmore cabaret.
those hacks.

yeah, i'm all in favour of supporting local vancouver talent. (hello. i'm from a small town in the middle of nowhere. all we did was support local metal and hardcore bands in church basements.) but they have to actually be talented.

yes. i take music seriously.

anyway, you can see the kid's response to my post here.
he has also generously offered us free tickets to his next show in the area.

in the end, he still rocks. and if you don't know that, i suggest you start here.

suck you.

Dear Kid Koala,

I took my boyfriend to see your show last night at the Biltmore Cabaret for his birthday. The two opening acts were so fucking terrible that we had to leave (or kill ourselves). The first "band" wasn't even playing their own songs. I heard vocals, but was anyone singing? No. Upon closer inspection, it didn't even seem like they were playing their own instruments. If I wanted to witness the "art" of lip-synch, I would have stayed home to watch Ashlee Simpson on YouTube.

The second group (I'm assuming they were Run with the Heard) was a knock-off version of LMFAO. Only worse. They were even wearing matching outfits. We left half-way through the first song, pissed off and disappointed.

Needless to say, this was not what I expected from a Kid Koala show. And I think that your credibility as an artist suffers as a result. Maybe next time you should be careful not to affiliate yourself with such an amateur spectacle of suck.

Sorry,

Horse Wife

**more on this later

no meat in unicorn steak.

i saw care failure and her band die mannequin perform in my home town a few years back. she rocked the fuckin house. and i finally (as in a few weeks ago) got around the downloading the albums, fully anticipating more of the same rock slaughtering.

i downloaded albums how to kill, slaughter daughter, and unicorn steak. first off: they are all the same fucking album. die mannequin has basically released the same album 3 times over from 2006 to the present. save yourself the space, and go for the steak (which features the same 4 or so songs and then some).

speaking of steak, let's talk music. there is no doubt that care failure puts on a show. but that greatness doesn't really translate to the recording studio. recall my previous rock chick post. i don't retract what i said: she rocks HARD. but songs like 'do it or die' make me want to seriously hang myself. the only interesting tunes are from the how to kill ep. which means that they aren't improving with age.

given mannequin's album covers/album names/song titles/REVIEWS!, you would expect something darker. heavier. maybe something like the distillers, since you can't help comparing care failure to brody dalle when you see her onstage. instead you get whinygirl singing with disappointing pop-punk backup. not to mention slightly lame lyrics?

ok, like i said: some of the tunes are decent. but they mostly leave me thanking god for bands like 7 Year Bitch.

ask a horse.

how to survive an elementary school dance:



most of the songs will be fast ones. this is where you will learn to get jiggy for the first time.
unless you spend weekends at home in front of a mirror with your mom's lipstick and madonna.
not that i would know anything about that.

i might as well tell you now, that they will play at least 3 slow songs before they mercifully release you back to your mom and dad's house.
if you get asked to dance by a boy at least 1 time out of 3, those are good odds.

if you don't get asked, try grabbing the attention of a girlfriend nearby and engaging her in jovial conversation before anyone can ask her. make wild gestures and speak excitedly, so everyone knows that you are talking about something so important that you don't even notice the slow dance.

if that doesn't work and you end up (godforbid) the only girl NOT asked to dance by a boy, pretend you have a bladder infection and hide in the washroom. or better yet, fake a tummy ache and tell everyone later that you puked. again, not that i would have firsthand knowledge of this practice.

nothing is more embarassing than not being asked to dance. you don't even really care about boys that much. but at this point, saving face is more important than living to see grade nine and realizing that it is way cooler to skip dances and instead smoke half cigarettes while wearing copious amounts of black eyeliner.

lest we forget.

speaking of women who rock harder than men:



these 2 queens made mick look pawned.

women who rock: not an exhaustive list.

1. care failure -- die mannequin
2. brody dalle
3. shirley manson -- remember garbage?
4. courtney love -- love or hate her, the girl can rock harder than any dude.
5. melissa auf der maur -- fully recovered from swine flu, our montreal sweetheart with a sabbath soft spot.
6. peaches
7. karen o -- yeah yeah yeahs
8. kat bjelland -- babes in toyland
9. donita sparks -- L7
10. ani difranco
11. mia zapata -- the late, frontwoman for the gits
12. siouxsie sioux
13. chrissie hynde
14. yoshiko fujiyama -- 5,6,7,8s
15. theo kogan -- lunachick.    16. emily haines -- of metric, and soft skeletons 
17. juliette lewis -- of movies, and the licks!
18. wendy o. williams!
women are the best rock stars because of their periods.

seriously, though. women are the best rock stars because they are women.

even though rock was always a boys club, this list proves that women just do it better. probably because the only reason men ever rocked was because of women. if you look at it that way, rock always belonged to women. take any woman on that list. she will kick any guys ass. often in heels, to boot.

peep it.

lame horse.

i missed deer tick. i stole this photo for another blog. i pirated their cd.

we all know what we do with a lame horse.

we take her out back and shoot her.

a post called horse.

r.i.p. beau velasco.