tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67492762564432104172024-03-05T19:45:02.911-08:00HorseWife Rants & ReviewsPop culture rants and reviews by a bona fide ponygirl.horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-61846423353268311362011-01-29T21:38:00.000-08:002011-01-29T21:50:05.338-08:00F.H.the big disappointment about metal guys is that they're really just jocks<br />
in disguise.<br />
<br />
at the end of they day, they don't want to fuck the ally sheedy highschool type with dry scalp<br />
and caked on eyeliner. they just wanna get it on with the bimbo cheerleader.<br />
<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115624/">pam anderson fantasy</a>.<br />
<br />
fuckheads. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSJ2CIL_vHgYTgxXW95Tv0KvwfCxrnNZB6fbC6s0LHRSuBXZ-HyEesaPYwuKYd7gIxiCiudbtrgRTYQAD_hr4sY1YIplac74MY1lDibgPC4pYJXwqSh8NomvPQ-7qvjqjNPeQCaLDKJtM/s1600/fuckheads.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSJ2CIL_vHgYTgxXW95Tv0KvwfCxrnNZB6fbC6s0LHRSuBXZ-HyEesaPYwuKYd7gIxiCiudbtrgRTYQAD_hr4sY1YIplac74MY1lDibgPC4pYJXwqSh8NomvPQ-7qvjqjNPeQCaLDKJtM/s320/fuckheads.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-85056063906657864962011-01-12T14:12:00.000-08:002011-01-12T14:12:33.210-08:00interlove.i'm trying to learn HTML code. in notepad. how oldschool is that?<br />
<br />
i remember having hacker boyfriends who did this on a regular basis. in their basements, with multiple monitors. it was like a foreign language to me. one i never imagined i'd learn. this was the 90s. the internet was entertaining, but it wasn't real life.<br />
<br />
how far we've come.<br />
now the only way you can have a life is through facebook and blogs.<br />
we don't even have to leave our houses anymore. and phone anxiety is at an all-time high. <br />
<br />
remember chatting? our first hoursehold computer was a mac and mom kept it in the kitchen. i stole a few hours on <a href="http://www.mirc.com/">mirc</a> now and then, but mostly it was lame horse. no porn either.<br />
<br />
i remember going over to my neighbour's house. we stole her mother's southern comfort and listened to dr. dre (which we'd downloaded from <a href="http://www.napster.ca/">napster)</a>. and chatted with guys online.<br />
<br />
mirc was unlike other chatrooms, because you could talk to people specifically in your town or city. she met a lot of guys that way. they always asked to see pictures of you. we didn't have a webcam, so we poached pictures off the internet. one time i showed this guy a picture of me and he said, "that's not you! i know that girl."<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvoXgFi7cLS8h9yUGLZTQKvUWwrJndPsdQzkCh82baZ2aVxSsTV-HwLBfbvudHeZJjrrPCEry-EcShbdHAn2b1eyiYHuWh-3Ah4eMusa7AZUDFRRlCwuEuzQIA3PCPrMQ2KrNzCSVccbw/s1600/mirc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvoXgFi7cLS8h9yUGLZTQKvUWwrJndPsdQzkCh82baZ2aVxSsTV-HwLBfbvudHeZJjrrPCEry-EcShbdHAn2b1eyiYHuWh-3Ah4eMusa7AZUDFRRlCwuEuzQIA3PCPrMQ2KrNzCSVccbw/s320/mirc.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
needless to say, i didn't hook up.<br />
<br />
my favourite thing back then was the imusic message boards. these were forums where you could post comments about bands. i made a bunch of posts about courtney love and kurt cobain, and then got flamed for my age. stupid shitty honesty.horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-53216249950358080392011-01-04T18:28:00.000-08:002011-01-04T18:28:53.151-08:00just because.<object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://3.gvt0.com/vi/wn5_4ruepAc/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/wn5_4ruepAc&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wn5_4ruepAc&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object><br />
you know you want that striped housecoat.horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-34341744648818628142011-01-04T17:58:00.000-08:002011-01-04T18:16:27.463-08:00kid koala.he responded to my angry email and was very polite indeed. he explained that he rarely has control over who he plays with in <a href="http://horsewife.blogspot.com/2010/12/suck-you.html">those situations</a>. this means that it's all up to the promoter to decide the lineup and i guess i did know that. i recall going to see <a href="http://www.diemannequin.ca/">die mannequin</a> accompanied by a "tribute to metal" show. which MEANS.<br />
<br />
total boycott the fucking <a href="http://www.biltmorecabaret.com/">biltmore cabaret</a>.<br />
those hacks.<br />
<br />
yeah, i'm all in favour of supporting local vancouver talent. (hello. i'm from a small town in the middle of nowhere. all we did was support local metal and hardcore bands in church basements.) but they have to actually be talented.<br />
<br />
yes. i take music seriously.<br />
<br />
anyway, you can see the kid's response to my post <a href="http://kidkoala.com/ice-cream-news/2-nights-in-vancouver/#comments">here</a>.<br />
he has also generously offered us free tickets to his next show in the area. <br />
<br />
in the end, he still rocks. and if you don't know that, i suggest you start <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Your-Moms-Favorite-Kid-Koala/dp/B000HCPSU8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1294192652&sr=8-1">here</a>.horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-3590306617936291192010-12-26T18:07:00.000-08:002010-12-26T18:09:57.603-08:00top videos.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/s5WMh9BAFmM?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div style="text-align: left;">this probably changed my life. </div><div style="text-align: left;">in the same way <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eDFwCOdl3A">"he ain't heavy" by the hollies</a> did.</div>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-39457926089302066132010-12-26T12:52:00.000-08:002010-12-27T18:24:04.263-08:00fuckface book.you've seen the trailers. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1285016/">the social network</a> is the story of facebook, everybody's favourite time-wasting tool.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1TCvfz6ocmW_v2tO69UPC8izdDonvvROHyfyfSNUhExkJZpBasUCguPFm_acotwaLlnnz1Khyphenhyphenm3qS-IGBSFaijbQXgs36YtjDcQMKpQET5nkXSfoofM7jrTwNV2DXV6kBzbD0eV_FFOg/s1600/social+network+reznor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1TCvfz6ocmW_v2tO69UPC8izdDonvvROHyfyfSNUhExkJZpBasUCguPFm_acotwaLlnnz1Khyphenhyphenm3qS-IGBSFaijbQXgs36YtjDcQMKpQET5nkXSfoofM7jrTwNV2DXV6kBzbD0eV_FFOg/s320/social+network+reznor.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
did you ever see <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1054588/">flash of genius</a>? probably not. because it was about the guy who invented windshield wipers. the social network kind of reminds me of that movie, only with more drugs and skanks.<br />
<br />
unlike a flash of genius, the social network, for whatever reason, successfully managed to retain my attention. although i was fading by the end. it felt really long.<br />
<br />
so, it's interesting. but why?<br />
probably because of the drugs and skanks. and, unlike a flash of genius, it's current. we all know/love/ hate/use facebook. and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0251986/">the guy who played mark zuckerberg</a> was captivating. he nailed it.<br />
<br />
when <a href="http://www.nin.com/">trent reznor</a> was recruited for the soundtrack to this movie, he responded to the skeptics by stating that the film is actually <i>very dark</i>. the soundtrack is good, and so obviously reznor. the "darkness"? fucking ridiculous. it was so overplayed. i almost think that there were some "funny parts" in this movie. but i never laughed once.<br />
<br />
like when eduardo saverin's crazy girlfriend sets his room on fire. i was like, "why the fuck is this relevant?" now that i think about it, i'm betting it was the movie's attempt to have a "ha-ha" moment. <br />
<br />
do i regret seeing this movie? no. despite the justin timberlake gross-out factor, it was interesting.<br />
<br />
would i own this movie or see it more than once? no. it's only worth seeing because it's about the internet we came of age to: napster/facebook by angry, bitter, nerdy hacker boys with serial killing potential (you know them, you've dated them... at least, i have).<br />
<br />
i don't even think facebook is that <i>cool</i> anymore. not now that your grandparents are on there.horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-39379234280309665772010-12-25T13:02:00.001-08:002010-12-25T13:03:04.538-08:00happy witch-mass.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMqeamT6IoV_zSdjqUBmPaTl6PQxda_hXBtW8mlkX52vl6le6PyH4pbkxu3JRojvAt3iR7DmOtVz7HsxN3aQf4scli2eEr5QEUkG86vcwuQwIKBpmOWUeRFjX1hfu4DFeoL3FwvBOYEYs/s1600/8witches.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMqeamT6IoV_zSdjqUBmPaTl6PQxda_hXBtW8mlkX52vl6le6PyH4pbkxu3JRojvAt3iR7DmOtVz7HsxN3aQf4scli2eEr5QEUkG86vcwuQwIKBpmOWUeRFjX1hfu4DFeoL3FwvBOYEYs/s400/8witches.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-83495561124923929002010-12-21T20:24:00.000-08:002010-12-21T20:24:36.833-08:00true love.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/oEWsZj2fEfQ?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-11475512556339698322010-12-21T14:48:00.000-08:002010-12-22T14:09:41.637-08:00suck you.Dear <a href="http://kidkoala.com/ice-cream-news/2-nights-in-vancouver/">Kid Koala</a>, <br />
<br />
I took my boyfriend to see your show last night at the Biltmore Cabaret for his birthday. The two opening acts were so fucking terrible that we had to leave (or kill ourselves). The first "band" wasn't even playing their own songs. I heard vocals, but was anyone singing? No. Upon closer inspection, it didn't even seem like they were playing their own instruments. If I wanted to witness the "art" of lip-synch, I would have stayed home to watch Ashlee Simpson on YouTube.<br />
<br />
The second group (I'm assuming they were <a href="http://www.youtube.com/runwiththeheard#p/a/u/0/Dw9Su8sNkQ8">Run with the Heard</a>) was a knock-off version of LMFAO. Only worse. They were even wearing matching outfits. We left half-way through the first song, pissed off and disappointed. <br />
<br />
Needless to say, this was not what I expected from a Kid Koala show. And I think that your credibility as an artist suffers as a result. Maybe next time you should be careful not to affiliate yourself with such an amateur spectacle of suck.<br />
<br />
Sorry,<br />
<br />
Horse Wife<br />
<br />
**<i>more on this later</i>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-62627009336605129092010-12-18T14:28:00.000-08:002010-12-18T14:29:46.642-08:00nothin doin.doing nothing is so underrated.<br />
<br />
i look forward to my time off so that i can do it. i actually get really pissed off if my time off ends up being spent doing things. one reason it's nice not to go home during the holidays. if i had to spend my vacation traveling around and going to parties every day, i would be really pissed off to finally get back home. only to resume school or work the next day. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://htmlgiant.com/reviews/resist-psychic-death/">psychic death</a>.<br />
<br />
the following is a list of how i like to spend my time doing nothing:<br />
<br />
taking long walks with my ipod really loud.<br />
morning tea with honey.<br />
lounging around a clean livingroom.<br />
reading <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Palo-Alto-Stories-James-Franco/dp/1439163146">short stories</a>.<br />
writing short stories. <br />
watching wholesome family TV (like road to avonlea or the cosby show) or <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0031210/">black and white bette davis movies</a>.<br />
wine and beer.<br />
ye olde fireplace in a box.<br />
blogging. <br />
cookin spaghetti.<br />
long johns and bush socks.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5XdoKXgQP9NqF87zUwoLDjjriVJFjL908-iMMvf7CwB4Ec1hVXAfXGT5BFre6h8olTdR8zqI9NhkcYHeE7Jcdw42Ebd6XMsWTiLe4SlHuZnlkRWOn79KXG0fpMrQmeD89Pk94Kii9_jc/s1600/dark+victory.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5XdoKXgQP9NqF87zUwoLDjjriVJFjL908-iMMvf7CwB4Ec1hVXAfXGT5BFre6h8olTdR8zqI9NhkcYHeE7Jcdw42Ebd6XMsWTiLe4SlHuZnlkRWOn79KXG0fpMrQmeD89Pk94Kii9_jc/s320/dark+victory.jpg" width="262" /></a></div><br />
<i>excuse me, kids. i've won a prize.</i>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-87158940970119142232010-12-03T20:17:00.000-08:002010-12-15T21:09:56.341-08:00december stuff.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_njKydvx56ITMqIG00jKIT9rgoY2AzxprVW6D7-4ouVENu3NQHcy3gLUppwGJTOjkXxaGevqJxArg9JA1LUCxVZGM2b5oMHRQ9OGq7OPhwIlDkFRpTM3GaW7qhIfRm59rQKT6jDQC5_w/s1600/lita+crotch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_njKydvx56ITMqIG00jKIT9rgoY2AzxprVW6D7-4ouVENu3NQHcy3gLUppwGJTOjkXxaGevqJxArg9JA1LUCxVZGM2b5oMHRQ9OGq7OPhwIlDkFRpTM3GaW7qhIfRm59rQKT6jDQC5_w/s320/lita+crotch.jpg" width="247" /></a></div>"queens of noise" by the runaways<br />
lita ford<br />
horsewife<br />
satanism<br />
rum and egg nog<br />
box wine <br />
<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085244/"><i>the big chill</i></a><br />
black sabbath<br />
baseball t-shirts<br />
<i>golden girls</i><br />
plaid<br />
skipping gym class<br />
savings account<br />
tylenol cold and flu<br />
revision<br />
<a href="http://www.roundthetwist.com/home_noflash.htm"><i>round the twist</i></a> <br />
burt's beeshorsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-68284608293718745942010-12-02T11:22:00.000-08:002010-12-03T09:25:07.597-08:00queens of noise.i recently saw a new movies that i would actually consider adding to my personal collection.<br />
<br />
it was <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1017451/"><b>the runaways</b></a>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNltU6ccT227ReGua63b39oic_p8dploF5GtMOolmifTr8VjvsIehjZBMy-W-xyMqBaL3kHkUbhP2WwBv-zIckT7l0otHtqgzXXBtvBD9gFNKodzxTl7imViaOYPeDAFMj2yKl5_-uVhU/s1600/runaways.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNltU6ccT227ReGua63b39oic_p8dploF5GtMOolmifTr8VjvsIehjZBMy-W-xyMqBaL3kHkUbhP2WwBv-zIckT7l0otHtqgzXXBtvBD9gFNKodzxTl7imViaOYPeDAFMj2yKl5_-uVhU/s320/runaways.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
i know i know. about time, right? but if you've read my blog you know that i don't give a fuck about being current. this is mostly because i don't tend to seek out new music, and i don't go to the movies.<br />
unless it's a midnight movie and they're showing <b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082340/">escape from new york</a> </b>again.<br />
<br />
the runaways was cool for a couple reasons. 1. you get to watch some badass bitches rock out for over an hour, and 2. kristen stewart as joan jett was totally worth it. what a <a href="http://www.shewired.com/Article.cfm?ID=23990">dike</a>.<br />
<br />
of course, there are some problems with the movie, too. the parts with cherie currie's family drama was lame horse. let's face it: it wasn't really the runaways story. it was the cherie currie story. which makes sense, since it was based off of her book.<br />
<br />
this is probably why lita ford wasn't on board with the flick. which is too bad because lita is pretty much the coolest. i'm also pretty sure that jerry cantrell stole his hair flip from her.<br />
<br />
<object height="385" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/slsscnpNGZ4?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/slsscnpNGZ4?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object> <br />
<br />
to be honest, ms. currie has always seemed like kind of a dud (which could explain the lack-luster performance of dakota fanning). she may have had some cool moves back in the day, but the chick has always come across as a kind of talentless media whore.<br />
<br />
harsh.<br />
<br />
but whatever. the movie is entertaining, and when it's over you'll want to break out all those old runaways records.horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-57402154991285385542010-09-02T12:42:00.000-07:002010-09-02T12:42:33.819-07:00then again maybe i won't.i don't really know what to blog about.<br />
<br />
i don't really know what HORSEWIFE's true calling is. so far, i have a blog titled horsewife, a poem titled horsewife, and yesterday i wrote lyrics for a song called horsewife.<br />
<br />
i'm too busy to blog. really? actually, it's probably more that i'm too random to keep something consistent. one solid idea.<br />
<br />
also: i'm a blogger WITHOUT a camera. <br />
<br />
we had one, but PARTYFACE sat on it, which fucked up the screen. <br />
we had another one, but i got sand in it at the beach.<br />
we had my old one. but it sucks and can't keep a charge.<br />
<br />
i really want to start a band. and i want it to look like this:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5ECiFrDwh3mOKWM5_jU5tMy1bwPQMRE4xFbFeZ04PzjJvU4dC93nOwSNHi7hLj1g3UgaYq34goTzbGo_zFZ2BpgjyFHQA_XqAJtHw-0ulVNCZ7Ig2sBM20DyDk4txEZtjAUd5Hhx9Yl4/s1600/Lunachicks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5ECiFrDwh3mOKWM5_jU5tMy1bwPQMRE4xFbFeZ04PzjJvU4dC93nOwSNHi7hLj1g3UgaYq34goTzbGo_zFZ2BpgjyFHQA_XqAJtHw-0ulVNCZ7Ig2sBM20DyDk4txEZtjAUd5Hhx9Yl4/s320/Lunachicks.jpg" /></a></div><br />
first thing to do: arm my notebook with a crapload of lyrics<br />
second thing: take out an online ad -- "need guitar player to help put music to lyrics, and start a band. influences are the lunachicks, the melvins and hole" (may need to work on that list a tad)<br />
third thing: be confident. nobody who is any good wants to play with some total n00b.<br />
<br />
i'm hungry, eff.<br />
<br />
see what i mean?<br />
random!horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-73458385748932685052010-08-06T21:02:00.000-07:002010-12-03T09:26:25.575-08:00guard THIS.the product: lady speed stick <a href="http://www.colgate.com/app/LadySpeedStick/US/EN/HomePage.cvsp">"stainguard"</a>:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGBcJV5zHTqhwXTGn3Z9Pz_B8Dzt9Ev4URH0eoXsX0iOwgbwVVnvhtKtjJNGW0aEu2wXbCkU7y19ME8Y4r1kBSXjhyC8PiwtmaC93K51gufQYrGWvN52CK60AaT4RsiIGb0pU7Sf5IuyU/s1600/s640x480.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" bx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGBcJV5zHTqhwXTGn3Z9Pz_B8Dzt9Ev4URH0eoXsX0iOwgbwVVnvhtKtjJNGW0aEu2wXbCkU7y19ME8Y4r1kBSXjhyC8PiwtmaC93K51gufQYrGWvN52CK60AaT4RsiIGb0pU7Sf5IuyU/s320/s640x480.jpg" /></a></div><br />
have you seen the commercial for stainguard?<br />
<br />
it features a skinny bitch rooting through her closet for something to throw on.<br />
suddenly, all these creepy white clothes are reaching for her like they're<br />
back from the dead (and she is kristie swanson chewing gum and sitting on a fresh grave).<br />
why?<br />
<br />
because she's wearing STAINGUARD!<br />
<br />
lady speed stick claims that your whites won't be able to resist their new antipersperant becauuuuuuse<br />
it won't leave those snotty yellow stains. the stains are not, in fact, the result of sweating. they come from an active ingredient in the antipersperant/deoderant itself.<br />
<br />
well guess what?<br />
<br />
stainguard doesn't work. at all.<br />
<br />
proof: i bought the stick the same time as i bought a fresh white tanktop.<br />
i've been wearing/using both for about a month.<br />
and you bet i have yellow stains on my top.<br />
<br />
unless this becomes the latest fashion trend, i won't gain any popularity points wearing that top.<br />
<br />
lady speed stick gets a grade F,<br />
and bad karma.<br />
<br />
if this was street cents they'd be fit for the pit.<br />
(and not the <i>pitts</i>.)horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-30890129244609299552010-04-24T18:24:00.000-07:002010-04-24T18:24:53.407-07:00april things that are cool:<em>the swell season</em><br />
cowboy boots<br />
t-shirts instead of tank-tops<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcMzuwHnpJn8S8WyPM85CtGQCgRy2px7NWr8UBJyUhgkie-CcurKRui57csXJdfc7uYrTIhFx-Gjn3_RWbC1Z4QROcbRbq-maMcVKKQUfnkCLcZbqattr_RA-sCAWBfw4IuE4lPtoZns4/s1600/spicy-tuna-crunch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcMzuwHnpJn8S8WyPM85CtGQCgRy2px7NWr8UBJyUhgkie-CcurKRui57csXJdfc7uYrTIhFx-Gjn3_RWbC1Z4QROcbRbq-maMcVKKQUfnkCLcZbqattr_RA-sCAWBfw4IuE4lPtoZns4/s320/spicy-tuna-crunch.jpg" tt="true" /></a></div>theodore dreiser<br />
selma blair<br />
eric erlandson<br />
spicy tuna roll<br />
growing your roots out<br />
washing your face with soap and warm water<br />
going home for vacation<br />
no homework for 4 months<br />
black&white <em>princess bride</em> poster<br />
drinking wine in the park<br />
cardio with <em>suicidal tendencies</em>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-29348053024204464402010-04-24T17:51:00.000-07:002010-12-03T09:27:29.019-08:00"the tomato did it."i saw a gigantic tomato scare the piss out of a little kid today.<br />
<br />
was i watching <i>killer tomatoes 2010</i>?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT08Oc-qwl74pkI-rDaR9C-g6EjI8sBWopi86-Kjy-5_a54yR1clIrGTryEa6vJyrb8c3eI6Z1kraQSbkLD8JHJsznT4b4IiOHIvsbSbnoviPT4zs1XQN1oktaRi5IyTt0GftYY8_gF8M/s1600/killtomatoattack.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT08Oc-qwl74pkI-rDaR9C-g6EjI8sBWopi86-Kjy-5_a54yR1clIrGTryEa6vJyrb8c3eI6Z1kraQSbkLD8JHJsznT4b4IiOHIvsbSbnoviPT4zs1XQN1oktaRi5IyTt0GftYY8_gF8M/s320/killtomatoattack.jpg" tt="true" /></a></div><br />
have they even made that movie yet?<br />
<br />
i was going to say "they should." but it would probably be in 3D. and suck like only today's horror remakes can.<br />
<br />
actually it wasn't a REAL tomato (unlike the movie, right?). it was a guy (or gal?) dressed AS a tomato.<br />
some farmer's market display.<br />
<br />
i've always thought that being a mascot would be a fun job. aside from the whole... having to go to sporting events part. i'd be happy as the gigantic pink gorilla who used to show up at my highschool and give kids balloons for their birthdays. <br />
<br />
no one ever did this for me, by the way. or <i>to</i> me.<br />
<br />
is this really lame of me? yes. i think it is. which is why i've never dared to don the fuzzy animal or thing costume for myself. <br />
<br />
but they can get away with anything, can't they? think about it:<br />
<br />
no one can see you. but you can see everyone. <br />
who cares if you gave some tike a heart-attack at the mall today because. it wasn't <i>you</i>. it was the tomato!<br />
some guy says: <i>"gee that tomato was really a jerk!"</i> who cares?<br />
<br />
the possibilities are endless.<br />
<br />
i suppose this is why some genius person invented<br />
<b><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Furry_fandom">furry fandom</a></b>.<br />
<br />
shockingly, it seems that furry-ing<i> </i>is <i>not </i><a href="http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Furry">everyone's</a> bread and butter. remember that CSI episode?<br />
<br />
but seriously. this looks fun,<br />
right?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgde3D-XEsAVttPxKRmfsVc2yNcD02-FuQOALo-7BDS_CbnsHWZJeOb7_oso_do18YXyVAPF3aideBB6Hew95UFZ9GX6PHln_xeesYiO9QjSq6p5nfFjtViAQVAAEflXXtFtrsmJobwMOY/s1600/anthrocon_2007_furry_tales_fursuit_table.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgde3D-XEsAVttPxKRmfsVc2yNcD02-FuQOALo-7BDS_CbnsHWZJeOb7_oso_do18YXyVAPF3aideBB6Hew95UFZ9GX6PHln_xeesYiO9QjSq6p5nfFjtViAQVAAEflXXtFtrsmJobwMOY/s320/anthrocon_2007_furry_tales_fursuit_table.jpg" tt="true" width="320" /></a></div>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-67187276891319648972010-01-29T23:46:00.000-08:002010-12-03T09:33:04.457-08:00a place in the sun.i've been watching a crapload of movies lately.<br />
<br />
<i>a place in the sun</i> is a movie to end all movies.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCTyzabB6VAom_acX5o2I0E-WPZ6058ez2beVYBFF3e_km21xIt7MCsToTGAmkrieRrrdDJe6qhineOM9rfAAlWVuTx8LfpkiXji4aGwKvtJuViR2u7Ku2zdX190k1EuwxIGNeEbHOIDE/s1600-h/a+place+movie+poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCTyzabB6VAom_acX5o2I0E-WPZ6058ez2beVYBFF3e_km21xIt7MCsToTGAmkrieRrrdDJe6qhineOM9rfAAlWVuTx8LfpkiXji4aGwKvtJuViR2u7Ku2zdX190k1EuwxIGNeEbHOIDE/s320/a+place+movie+poster.jpg" width="214" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">seriously.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">movies like this make me wonder why any other movies even exist. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">why bother?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">i've never been a big liz taylor fan. i am clearly more a marilyn gal. but even though liz doesn't exactly appeal to me, one fact is undeniable: she was a fucking fantastic actress.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">maybe that's because she got all the good movie roles. i mean, have you seen <i>who's afraid of virginia woolf</i>?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqbxLFKe1NZC2MAh5kUV8_TKmQPLpOwuTYZm7mbV1PmSeR_14ZBTjsyPprR7vRdUmncFoqWZiAs9JiowO0kkIii1zkyKW_kuLAE4YrMhRGvOQ411EN3gNJ5jGH-ai98FQFrRn516YdsXM/s1600-h/loon+lake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqbxLFKe1NZC2MAh5kUV8_TKmQPLpOwuTYZm7mbV1PmSeR_14ZBTjsyPprR7vRdUmncFoqWZiAs9JiowO0kkIii1zkyKW_kuLAE4YrMhRGvOQ411EN3gNJ5jGH-ai98FQFrRn516YdsXM/s320/loon+lake.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">clift and taylor are brilliant together. alone, too.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">and i really feel fucking sorry for them. especially her. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">as for him, i feel sorry for him. but i also resent him. the way he slouches around.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">so awkward and silent. so goddamn stupid about it all.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">he is pathetic, is what it is.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">he should have just told her that he knocked a bitch up. after all, it happened before they really got together. and she LOVED him. she would have understood.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">speaking of a bitch...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisNRPG4Q1Gz5tgl52kgcEVUhfVs90p35I1bvdBkfA-i1G9-8Br03tOFJDsl66UIgkPLgc8xL1RCTl-xuVNzJ2WiBa2YGtS2Ygb_ua3sP1IUkXK_Cg5M-txzKvy-B44uKxfNj5P_HiBCFY/s1600-h/shelley.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisNRPG4Q1Gz5tgl52kgcEVUhfVs90p35I1bvdBkfA-i1G9-8Br03tOFJDsl66UIgkPLgc8xL1RCTl-xuVNzJ2WiBa2YGtS2Ygb_ua3sP1IUkXK_Cg5M-txzKvy-B44uKxfNj5P_HiBCFY/s200/shelley.png" width="158" /></a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>i could not for the life of me find a picture or youtube video that did justice to this dame.<br />
<br />
if i resented clift a little, shelley winters made me want to throw up.<br />
unlike some, i did not sympathize. how could i?<br />
yes, she was knocked up by a guy who didn't love her. but she was so utterly disgusting<br />
repulsive<br />
that i could not feel a thing.<br />
<br />
the boat scene is the stuff that nightmares are made of.<br />
and i don't mean the drowning part.<br />
<br />
so at the end of the day, you gotta give it up to winters.<br />
any actor who can make you physically sick<br />
<br />
is a genius.horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-84244520339865625922010-01-08T16:18:00.000-08:002010-12-03T09:30:53.326-08:00normal is still boring.i've been sucked into watching mtv's <i>teen mom</i> after stream-marathoning <i>16 and pregnant</i><br />
back when it was 'popular'. blame a lack of cable tv, and no money for new DVDs.<br />
not even any money for USED VHS tapes from the sally ann!<br />
<br />
such is the fate of the poor.<br />
<br />
these series' aren't even that interesting. you'd think there would be more sex and drugs.<br />
but for the most part, these kids are pretty normal.<br />
<br />
why do i watch it?<br />
background noise when i'm cooking tofu.<br />
<br />
teen mom, tyler, is my fave.<br />
isn't he the cutest??<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQtfq02mUaB7HF_MESXrPA9CPI6eTl3ivV5guposE3bzzBhIrLrYhFZecbOZr9p54uNvQp9DGvPqrxBxlOQx9ITSzeKuLF-jaUTWic9XDy1zPRSHFfbmf8WQuiS-CtNEp31HbQlBCCBgU/s1600-h/TeenMomTyler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQtfq02mUaB7HF_MESXrPA9CPI6eTl3ivV5guposE3bzzBhIrLrYhFZecbOZr9p54uNvQp9DGvPqrxBxlOQx9ITSzeKuLF-jaUTWic9XDy1zPRSHFfbmf8WQuiS-CtNEp31HbQlBCCBgU/s320/TeenMomTyler.jpg" /></a></div><br />
i went to highschool with many teen moms. i <i>get</i> that they are trying to portray 'normal kids who just made a mistake.' but not only is it boring. it isn't even accurate, from my recollection.<br />
<br />
highschool? try elementary school! i remember being in grade 8 and having friends who would routinely boast that they never used condoms because they HATED them. and that they had miscarriages sitting on the toilet.<br />
<br />
<i>maybe i got pregnant again to make up for the one i lost...</i><br />
<br />
ok. you're FOURTEEN! do your homework, drink vodka on the weekends, and<br />
forgetaboutit.horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-26584567506784674382010-01-02T15:41:00.000-08:002010-12-03T09:33:32.293-08:00bad taste.kate moss once said: <i>nothing tastes as good as skinny feels</i>.<br />
<br />
and while that sentiment is puke-worthy, it is probably at least partially<br />
accurate.<br />
<br />
food is marvelous. but taste is fleeting.<br />
and skinny... <i>lasts foreverrrrrrrrrr</i>.<br />
<br />
at least until you quit drugs and kick the anorexia.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8oYy6Jjp2LVOG0YGAKJAR3nAdLa6QShYDvPXQwmB-wNqHRBaLQLqfgAywJeTysJXsKCqt_PXNWs1Ons16ZE-gMiF-QK_PNS5Is_z93NzgwCoNqatXYOrtTaDbm38QeUKslNo0WjjlL8s/s1600-h/stickfigure.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8oYy6Jjp2LVOG0YGAKJAR3nAdLa6QShYDvPXQwmB-wNqHRBaLQLqfgAywJeTysJXsKCqt_PXNWs1Ons16ZE-gMiF-QK_PNS5Is_z93NzgwCoNqatXYOrtTaDbm38QeUKslNo0WjjlL8s/s320/stickfigure.jpg" /></a></div><br />
can i just say that i am completely sicktodeath of skinny bitches. seriously. i'm sick of stick-figure glorifications on TV, in movies, in ads, on the street. in my dreams. on my jeans.<br />
<br />
if i were to have one thing for 2010, it would be a fucking revolution.<br />
feminism has <i>not </i>come that far.<br />
<br />
skinny is nothing more than fashion: when it's in, it feels so <i>right</i>. but were it to go OUT (ie. like bellbottom jeans), we wouldn't want it anymore. i think that it is that easy.<br />
<br />
as always, marilyn is proof:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDpoDKD0UPYmqzpd0FP_1YbQsQ_0SSvT5NhjwerwIZpanY2WZs9hq7c5ICD_L1UlTsN11LqpLReJio-NuXOce1F7e8uwEdn0IbDhIR-fwd0kUL_tZqbt7AAZ7Fp0iTH7cO56NlGW80pUs/s1600-h/marilyn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDpoDKD0UPYmqzpd0FP_1YbQsQ_0SSvT5NhjwerwIZpanY2WZs9hq7c5ICD_L1UlTsN11LqpLReJio-NuXOce1F7e8uwEdn0IbDhIR-fwd0kUL_tZqbt7AAZ7Fp0iTH7cO56NlGW80pUs/s320/marilyn.jpg" /></a></div><br />
for the record. she was pregnant at the time of these photos. but she still looks fucking amazing. and everyone at the time thought so too!horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-37490368689913690492009-12-31T19:50:00.000-08:002010-12-03T10:53:50.504-08:00garbage.according to <a href="http://entertainment.ca.msn.com/movies/canadian-press/article.aspx?cp-documentid=22961201">this</a> article, james cameron's 'avatar' is said to usher a slew of 3D movies into 2010.<br />
<br />
according to one nimrod: "I'm going to go and see [avatar]. It doesn't really matter how good it is, I want to go and see it because of the technological advances he's made and I think a lot of other people will as well."<br />
<br />
just what we need. more flicks that spend disgusting amounts of money on computer tech in order to compensate for a total lack of plot, characterization, and dialogue.<br />
<br />
yeah, it can be "cool" and "keen" to have shit jump out at you. but the novelty WILL wear off. and nobody wants to wear glasses when they don't HAVE TO. oh wait. apparently hipsters do.<br />
<br />
but all this really means, is the production of more yet more CG garbage.<br />
<br />
i don't care about computer-generated visual effects.<br />
period.<br />
<br />
give me cronenberg or tom savini any motherfuckin day of the week.<br />
SPARE US.<br />
<br />
i actually have nightmares. the future. scoleosis-inducing amounts of time in front of our computers and HD TV's. i mean, more than we do currently. which is already revolting. it actually makes me sick and fearful. in that buy-a-cabin-in-the-middle-of-nowhere-and-hoard-food-and-medical-supplies-kind-of-way.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkFYs7v2dUdYIrGKF-z5MD_p8q57KyoI5nOFfIM0HgouJcJaGziadib5bPPIauCsFpay0Hgx_uOIVHYVaDccoa2hlasLpa0iWRMrIMB0npls0aDXI2W0HvpgEaQzSPDURvi_hVnEjg4A8/s1600-h/theflyopera.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkFYs7v2dUdYIrGKF-z5MD_p8q57KyoI5nOFfIM0HgouJcJaGziadib5bPPIauCsFpay0Hgx_uOIVHYVaDccoa2hlasLpa0iWRMrIMB0npls0aDXI2W0HvpgEaQzSPDURvi_hVnEjg4A8/s320/theflyopera.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">i want to, like, see some actual fucking real talent come 2010.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">is that too much to ask??</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">i want sweat and blood and GUTS.</div>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-57104182307957550272009-12-22T11:15:00.000-08:002010-12-03T10:55:25.858-08:00Tom & Gary.... this is why Vancity is home.<object height="340" width="560"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/LlAb9EJaqKY&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/LlAb9EJaqKY&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-28259316371755462642009-12-09T17:45:00.000-08:002009-12-09T21:45:13.741-08:00december stuff i like:<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgclodEeA0WcwjPZAu5fz1t1MU3gzoRSg62Fl5xnhwqr9HOZRCe-8FfrNDyFthAAT_lMNuEzbPssS4OshyphenhyphenyyXddBYPFijcS70wcPWqYAOIOEEicJxihj2iwpYrJefUcawkCJGo7eNeUp_E/s1600/710QP9TEDRL__SL500_AA280_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgclodEeA0WcwjPZAu5fz1t1MU3gzoRSg62Fl5xnhwqr9HOZRCe-8FfrNDyFthAAT_lMNuEzbPssS4OshyphenhyphenyyXddBYPFijcS70wcPWqYAOIOEEicJxihj2iwpYrJefUcawkCJGo7eNeUp_E/s320/710QP9TEDRL__SL500_AA280_.jpg" width="320" /></a>-rum and eggnog<br />
-baileys n' coffee<br />
-charlie brown xmas soundtrack<br />
-tv fireplace (seriously. i always thought: what a lame idea. but now i understand.)<br />
-cohen's <em>the favourite game</em><br />
-having money<br />
-veet salon-style wax strips<br />
-being brunette<br />
-wool mittens<br />
-talking cats<br />
-breakfast<br />
-world famous shoulder bag (deceptively small, but still cool)<br />
-dolly parton<br />
-<em>far from the madding crowd</em>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-840194258198256402009-12-08T16:05:00.000-08:002010-12-03T10:56:35.261-08:00no meat in unicorn steak.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW0hdzJDJMtxL5SgffFcrS7zMJt4pdw2YbrwJbUH_7-FkEaZTrjD5kyq2PTN4XWHGgfkDGpOJf2yiw9wZ1_9IhqpWmYJXJ1xs2au3V1f2MCU2rCadpYTwehdXyGrqWZYOecJfOa-mvmA4/s1600-h/617rL4RZrwL__SS400_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" er="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW0hdzJDJMtxL5SgffFcrS7zMJt4pdw2YbrwJbUH_7-FkEaZTrjD5kyq2PTN4XWHGgfkDGpOJf2yiw9wZ1_9IhqpWmYJXJ1xs2au3V1f2MCU2rCadpYTwehdXyGrqWZYOecJfOa-mvmA4/s320/617rL4RZrwL__SS400_.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">i saw care failure and her band <i>die mannequin</i> perform in my home town a few years back. she rocked the fuckin house. and i finally (as in a few weeks ago) got around the downloading the albums, fully anticipating more of the same rock slaughtering.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">i downloaded albums <i>how to kill</i>, <i>slaughter daughter</i>, and <i>unicorn steak</i>. first off: they are all the same fucking album. die mannequin has basically released the same album 3 times over from 2006 to the present. save yourself the space, and go for the steak (which features the same 4 or so songs and then some).</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">speaking of steak, let's talk music. there is no doubt that care failure puts on a show. but that greatness doesn't really translate to the recording studio. recall my previous rock chick post. i don't retract what i said: she rocks HARD. but songs like 'do it or die' make me want to seriously hang myself. the only interesting tunes are from the <i>how to kill</i> ep. which means that they aren't improving with age.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">given mannequin's album covers/album names/song titles/REVIEWS!, you would expect something darker. heavier. maybe something like the distillers, since you can't help comparing care failure to brody dalle when you see her onstage. instead you get whinygirl singing with disappointing pop-punk backup. not to mention slightly lame lyrics?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">ok, like i said: some of the tunes are decent. but they mostly leave me thanking god for bands like 7 Year Bitch.</div>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-22167250509780518162009-11-30T22:46:00.000-08:002010-12-03T10:57:50.365-08:00ask a horse.how to survive an elementary school dance:<br />
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<br />
most of the songs will be fast ones. this is where you will learn to get jiggy for the first time.<br />
unless you spend weekends at home in front of a mirror with your mom's lipstick and madonna.<br />
not that i would know anything about <i>that</i>.<br />
<br />
i might as well tell you now, that they will play at least 3 slow songs before they mercifully release you back to your mom and dad's house.<br />
if you get asked to dance by a boy at least 1 time out of 3, those are good odds.<br />
<br />
if you don't get asked, try grabbing the attention of a girlfriend nearby and engaging her in jovial conversation before anyone can ask <i>her</i>. make wild gestures and speak excitedly, so everyone knows that you are talking about something so important that you don't even <i>notice</i> the slow dance.<br />
<br />
if that doesn't work and you end up (godforbid) the only girl NOT asked to dance by a boy, pretend you have a bladder infection and hide in the washroom. or better yet, fake a tummy ache and tell everyone later that you puked. again, not that i would have firsthand knowledge of this practice.<br />
<br />
nothing is more embarassing than not being asked to dance. you don't even really care about boys that much. but at this point, saving face is more important than living to see grade nine and realizing that it is way cooler to skip dances and instead smoke half cigarettes while wearing copious amounts of black eyeliner.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7cUDQFVZ7Ap8wsiUv9uekctec5VmjBbWM4TSs4qtGOJ45SH2DglsW8wDl2kvGPsoolZdUfEVdAxghY52omMKFNxKfNTEBMQTpPFaY3MZDlTmbPfKA4EsVKg83HW5mLWwCrDXzIxMkXR8/s1600/ally+sheedy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7cUDQFVZ7Ap8wsiUv9uekctec5VmjBbWM4TSs4qtGOJ45SH2DglsW8wDl2kvGPsoolZdUfEVdAxghY52omMKFNxKfNTEBMQTpPFaY3MZDlTmbPfKA4EsVKg83HW5mLWwCrDXzIxMkXR8/s320/ally+sheedy.jpg" /></a></div>horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6749276256443210417.post-64010502662218946522009-11-30T22:20:00.000-08:002010-12-03T10:58:37.775-08:00we don't need no water.<a href="http://www.ala.org/ala/issuesadvocacy/banned/frequentlychallenged/challengedbydecade/1990_1999/index.cfm">banned books</a> between 1990 and 1999.<br />
<br />
judy blume is so fuckin cool.<br />
she makes the list every time.<br />
<br />
every time i think i should write a YA novel, i think of judy and realize what a bad idea that is.<br />
you can't top judy so don't even try.<br />
<br />
actually, louis sachar comes close.horsewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08415943521815927779noreply@blogger.com0